If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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