I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
