Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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