I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
