We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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