Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
