I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
