I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My life is pants optional.
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