thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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