Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
