There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
