I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
