Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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