bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
