My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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