My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
