woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
