these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
