How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have already put on my inside pants.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
