think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
