absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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