office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
