i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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