i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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