I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
