i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
