i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
