Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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