If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
