I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
