If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
