Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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