Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
