I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
