My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
