Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
