Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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