scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
