I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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