Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
