She is in my trunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
