mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
