My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
