My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
