I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My bed smells like the plague
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
