Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
