Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
