I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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