Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
