I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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