we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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