My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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