I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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