Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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