Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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