Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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