I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
