i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
