I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
God I need to hump something, right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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