ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
