I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
