i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
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I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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