No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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