Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
