maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
