i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
