I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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