Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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