he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
