After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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