His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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