Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The best revenge is premature balding
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
