pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
