While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
